Ok so I haven’t written in a while. I can tell because my views have gone down…sorry. I’ve just had so much on my mind, not neccisarily anything to write about in a blog but just to think about in my head.
First, fashion. make-up. modeling. Yes, these are my goals, but are they real? It’s amazing if I ever did achieve any of them. If I achieved that famousness that I desire; but it’s not really the famousness that I desire, it’s more the accomplishment of actually doing what I would like to do. I don’t really care if I have a billion dollars because of what I do, I just want to be known for having a talent and being able to live off of my talent. But the question is do I really have a talent? Am I made modeling or designing clothes or creating pieces of art on people’s faces? I believe I am, but no one else does. It’s quite sad, but very true. We live in a world where people just have to strive for everything themselves. You have to do the work, and no one is going to really help you. You have to believe in yourself, and prove to everyone that you are great. In my case, not even family believes in me. The only person who really does is my wonderful Knight, who supports me in anything I do and that’s why I love him. But now I’m just thinking and it’s so hard because everyone is so against it — What do I do?
My two options are, one, doing what I’ve dreamed of for a long time. Taking the chance of either making money or being pathetically broke and just doing what I love? Or Two, doing the boring job that most Americans have; sitting behind a desk, pretending to work, looking at an email from the guy across the room, and calling it the highlight of their day. Do I want that? I’ve been there, and done that. Yes, it’s secure. Yes, it brings money. But it’s absolutely boring. There’s no passion in it. Am I really stupid for going for what I want? My family wants me to become an office-job person–supposedly it’s “intelligent” and “secure for life”. But, look at all those people doing it? I bet millions of them wanted to be something else. But instead, they were probably put down and afraid to strive for themselves, and ended up in the cubicle.
I don’t want to be that person. But right now, it feels like I’m forced to. I’m trying my hardest to do what I want, but with little experience in the field, it’s extremely hard to find someone willing to take on a beginner. I am currently unemployed, and trying to find a job that will take me to my goal. But, I never knew how hard it was to find one in that field with little experience. However, the thing is, I am more than willing to learn all of it, but no one is willing to teach it to me. And I have no money to spend on a Cosmetics school, so basically what choice do I have?
none. The cubicle is already waiting…
